Reasons why I should write a book

1) I don’t give a flying frog about the Marinera. 2) I have no intention of explaining reason one. 3) I’m tired of attending meeting after meeting and contributing nothing more than an occasional nod of the head, and my signature on some document I don’t understand and never see again, but at meeting’s end we all stand up, smile and shake hands as if we’ve accomplished something. 4) I’ve run out of ideas for this blog, which may be fortunate because recently every time I start to write something I think I’m F. Scott Fitzgerald. No, really! It’s too damn hot to sleep at night so I’ve been reading a lot into the wee hours and lately it’s been Fitzgerald.

Maybe you don’t know Fitzgerald…. 1920s – Paris – the ‘lost generation’ including the likes of Ezra Pound, Gertrude Stein, John Steinbeck et al (pinko commie bastards) – yawn. I admire Fitzgerald’s vocabulary, creativity and use of metaphors but I don’t think he ever put two common, every day words together. Perhaps that’s because his characters were always affluent, narcissistic inheritors of wealth. There!....see what I mean? I catch myself wanting to use those words in a blog about boat-building in Santa Rosa, for god’s sake! Hey Ethel!....looks like this Chiclayo gringo fella has gone in the tank! Let’s take him off our favorites! 5) I’m old an’ my brain has pretty much stopped accepting new knowledge and is damn stingy about handing out what’s in storage, so if I’m going to write a book I better do it now.

Anyway, what I need to do is decide what I want to write about, and find a writing style I’m comfortable with. I’ve always liked Mickey Spillane. Maybe I could use his style and write about a handsome, rugged two-fisted Peruvian private cop. I’d call him Miguel Martillo. I could start the book something like this……

……then she walked into the room and I could feel the air leave my lungs faster than a Buick Roadmaster sucks gas. This was a chica that could spell trouble with a capital T for any man. This was the kinda dame that made a guy start having thoughts; crazy thoughts like hanging up the gun and doing a regular day job selling ceviche outside a combi station; putting a fresh coat of paint over the plaster of a cute little adobe honeymoon cottage, and maybe building a small coup out back to raise cuy and pavo. Yeah…I was having thoughts awright. You bet I was having thoughts!!

I’ll tell you what – this is looking good to me! Can you see a movie coming out of this? Yup, yer right Elmer, the man’s busted one or two banjo strings fur sure. I’m thinking maybe Eva Mendez for the chica and Antonio Banderas (Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, but I don’t have the time to do it myself) as Martillo.

Now, do I do the book signings in Lima or New York? Decisions, decisions.

Tom