Monday, January 10, 2011

Cayalti – the next jet-setter destination?

The town of Cayalti evolved many years ago around an ancient and now unused sugar cane processing factory. The rusting metal hulk of the factory is silent, as are the three huge administrative buildings nearby. Any visitor to Cayalti would dismiss the town as nothing and quickly move on. But they're overlooking the potential. What I see is the sprawling, glitzy Cayalti Resort Complex…the place to be for anybody who is anybody. Here's the deal.

Take a look at this artist’s rendering of the complex. Can you start to see the possibilities? You’ll get even more excited as we take the tour. Let’s start at the beginning with the hotel.

This will be The Tombs hotel. It is as deep as it is wide. It used to be the administrative offices for the sugar factory. We remodel it with early Moche culture architecture and décor. We’re talking swank. I can see a central swimming pool, exercise facilities, saunas, etc. And the hotel lobby is where the hiking tours into the nearby mountains begin.

Behind the hotel is the Moche Temple Restaurant. Just look at this thing! It reeks of grandeur and sophistication. Beautiful people dressed in their $2000 suits and gowns will be pulling up to the door in gleaming moto taxis, eager to lay out $150 per plate for cuy and other authentic Peruvian cuisine. People will learn to associate The Moche Temple Restaurant with elegant dining.

Here we have the Cayalti Casino. The architecture is identical to its adjacent sister building the Moche Temple Restaurant with the exception that it is 1/3 larger. It will hold a casino to rival those in Vegas. And the place is big enough to include a large showroom for name entertainers. We’ll have to start out modestly with names like Julio Iglesias and Trini Lopes, but as we grow we’ll be able to bring in the heavy hitters. And we’ll have courtesy communication between the two buildings so the people waiting for a table at the restaurant can gamble at the casino.

Smack in the middle of our complex is the town’s principal park. We’ll call it Inca Parka. It will serve as the central connecting hub for all of our attractions. The park is near-perfect for our purposes. It’s big, attractive, has lots of benches, and is well lit at night. We’ll place four to six ‘Inca Temples’ in the park…upscale outdoor bar/snack locations with Incan uniformed staff; each oasis offering snacks and drink unique from the other.

This is the Human Sacrifice Bar and Grill. It’s now a senior center for old guys who play checkers and cards but we’ll turn it into a trendy place with beer, mixed drinks and chicken wing type stuff with live music. This is where people who don’t feel like gambling at the Cayalti Casino or dining at the Moche Temple restaurant will likely start their evening.

How about this for a promenade? We call it the Inca Trail. It’s wide and goes on forever. We close it off to vehicle traffic and put seating islands amongst the foliage down the center. On each side of the street I see upscale, one-of-a-kind shops offering original artifacts (legally of course), handmade silver, gold and precious stones jewelry, and Alpaca items from grade AAA wool. Scattered amongst the shops would be upscale lounges where shoppers can pause for refreshments.

Groupo Sink Hole runs parallel to and only 50’ from the Inca Trail. It represents the seamy side of our complex. It is the polar opposite of the Inca Trail, containing bistro joints and bars, blues bungalows, starving artist kiosks, cevicherias, chintzy trinket stalls and in between a few dimly lit storefronts dealing in ‘other’ goods and services. We won’t be able to keep up with the demand for "I’ve been to Groupo Sink Hole" T-shirts

I don’t know what we do with this place but it's got too much potential to ignore. The stairs stop at concrete walls. That freaks me out. Ya gotta wonder what this place was. Maybe we could make a Vegas style wedding chapel out of it. It would be great for bridal party photos.

After our guests have indulged extensively and spent heavily at the other attractions, there’s still Opium Alley. Look at this passage way…the one under the bell. Can’t you see a bunch of small opium dens scattered along the winding path, with hashish shacks and tattoo shops in between and Incan flute music softly blanketing the whole area? Stoned and tattooed…what a great way to finish the day!

Well…that concludes our tour. What do you think? Can you hear that ‘ka-ching’ sound? We’ll have to build a small airfield for private jets, and then we need to think about where to put the waterpark, and…oh oh…gotta go. Paris and Nicky Hilton just walked into the Tombs Hotel lobby. They’re not going to like hearing that Brad and Angelina arrived minutes ago and reserved our last room, but it's their own fault. Next time call ahead.



  1. and people think I have an imagination!
    you got me beat by 10x



  2. Hi Jim,

    People frequently tell me they don’t understand my sense of humor, so they don’t know if I’m being serious or not. This post was obviously (at least to me) tongue-in-cheek, but then again to borrow a line from an old movie, ”It’s so crazy that it just… might… work!“

    Hey, how was your visit to Peru?