Saturday, January 1, 2011

Peru successfully repels Muñeco invasion!

For centuries relations between the nations of Peru and bordering Muñecostan have been stormy, with violent border skirmishes a frequent occurrence. Last night in vicious street fighting seen throughout the country, courageous Peruvian citizens met and soundly defeated invading Muñecostani forces. Nowhere was the fighting more ferocious than on the city streets of Chiclayo.

For the past two days Muñecostani forces at the squad and platoon levels were seen secretly assembling all over the city; their attempts to ‘blend in’ largely unsuccessful as sharp eyed Chiclayanos noticed ‘unnatural mannerisms,’ and even children were heard to exclaim...”There is something different about those people”.

What sounded like sporadic shooting was heard across the city at approximately 11:45pm, followed by a barrage of explosives exactly at midnight. Commando units from the Muñecostani 2nd battle group 8th infantry had parachuted onto the roof tops of houses and businesses, intent of firing at Peruvians on the streets below. Their plan failed when Chiclayo’s roof dogs literally tore them to shreds before they knew what hit them.

Muñecostani cavalry units didn’t fare any better…most of them falling victim to collisions with combis and taxis before ultimately joining their comrades in a fiery death at the hands of Chiclayo’s outraged citizens.

Row after row of charging infantry Muñecos were mowed down where they stood. To the shock of Chiclayanos, the bodies of women Muñeco soldiers were found in direct violation of Muñecostan’s own laws which state that no women are permitted to serve in active combat areas.

Amidst cries of “Die!...Muñeco…Die!” the screams of burning Muñecos could be heard mingled among the constant explosions – their gasoline dowsed cardboard or cloth uniforms having gone up in flames.

In a desperate attempt to salvage victory the Muñecos offered their version of the Trojan horse…El elefante loco (The crazy elephant). Chiclayanos were not fooled and quickly made prisoners of the Muñeco soldiers hidden inside. The elephant was later filled with explosives and burned…as were the prisoners. Unfortunately atrocities occur in all wars.

As Peruvian officials were announcing victory to the world, Muñecostan president Cugo Hhàvez denied any invasion had taken place, instead claiming that thousands of innocent Muñeco tourists had been slaughtered and vowing revenge next New Year’s Eve.


Ps… Seriously now, the burning of muñecos on New Year’s Eve is a tradition I look forward to. It is impossible, at least for me to capture in words or photos the surreal transition that takes place in entire neighborhoods over a large part of this city at midnight. Cheering people gathered in the streets…the constant deafening roar of ground and aerial fireworks combined with eye-stinging lung-searing thick black smoke from hundreds of burning muñecos as far as the eye can see creates the impression that Armageddon has arrived. All of these activities are prohibited and illegal. There are no police to be seen at midnight.

Happy New Year everybody!


  1. Great post! Made me remember my times in Peru... Will have to go back one day. :-)

  2. Tom,

    What a great post. King Kong and the elephant are really impressive. Compared to that, the one I burned in Posope last year was just a dolly. Hope you had good fun at midnight.

    Happy new year!